“Are you only dating me because I have money?”
“Do you ever fake with me like you do with clients?”
“How do I know you actually have feelings for me?”
I’ve gotten all these questions several times if I tell the person I’m involved with that I do some form of SW. I can’t blame them for feeling insecure, but logic behind the questions is lacking.
If I wanted to date someone just because of the money they better be giving me money. The irony of it is that most of the wealthy men who’ve asked me this never gave me cash whereas those who did never asked and simply saw it as an extension of affection, sort of like a “hey I know you need it and I want you to do well, don’t stress about rent here you go!”. Either way I don’t really have it in me to date someone I don’t actually like, rich or not. If I’m being honest some days I wish I could because being a spoiled GF looks pretty sweet. Its just not my thing and won’t make me feel fulfilled.
The all too common are you faking because you fake with clients….ugh. This makes me want to roll my eyes so far back they create a damn orbit of their own.
Clients pay me. Its my job to make them believe and feel whatever they want to. If they want to feel like Gods in bed, I’ll do it. If they want me to insult them and tell them they’re shitty in bed, I’ll do it. Its my job – end of story. In my personal life why would I ever fake with anyone? What could I possibly get out of that? If I’m having sex with you in my personal life its because I want you, because I want mutual pleasure, because I want authenticity. So no I’m not going to fake just to boost your confidence – I’m not working – faking won’t really let you get to know what gets me off. Its an all around loose loose.
And finally the last question kind of ties into both. My work is exhausting. Men are draining. Being charming is draining. Walking into a room and figuring out what that person needs for the next X hours and becoming that is tiring. If I’m spending time with anyone in my personal life it is only because I want to. If anything sometimes I wonder why the men who ask this don’t feel a little bit more lucky that I am spending time with them instead of worrying if I like them. Yes! I’m here and happily using the last bit of energy I have to be in your company for free that is how much I like you.
I understand the insecurity and confusion. If the tables were turned I know I’d have a hard time so I do have patience. But I think part of the lack of logic in these questions is the fact that sex work still isn’t seen as work. I feel as though people think I just walk down the street a man hands me 2k and I just lay down and spread my legs open…that would be so great!
But its websites, persona, ads/marketing, professional photos, reviews, reputation. I spend about 10k a year on keeping up with all this and making sure my persona’s image is maintained. And thats just the behind the scenes work it doesn’t include emotional and physical labor. Its hard to know and embody what someone you’ve just met wants and no I don’t just mean sexually I mean energetically and personality wise you change and mold into what they need, not everyone can do it despite the constant whorephobic jokes people make of “Im so broke i’ll just be a stripper/hooker/cam girl” whenever I hear these jokes and people don’t know I’m a SW my blood boils. My soul will cringe, I bite my tongue and smile. Usually these comments are made by people who could never harness the energy needed to be a successful SW. If society saw SW as work I believe the people I romantically get involved with wouldn’t ask these questions as frequently…If only.