Yesterday was a great Sunday

I’m not sure if its because I had work with a new favorite client of mine, if its because I met a gorgeous man who looks like sebastian rulli – and fucked him, or if it was the Xanax.
Probably a combination of the three.

The new client
He is a good looking man, a musician (go figure one musician doesn’t care to see me and here waltzes in one who pays for the privilege of being with me), in his 30s and if I’m frank I’d be friends with him had we met in civilian life. And depending how we met I probably would’ve hooked up with him too. Its always incredibly nice to have clients who you actually get along with, have much in common with, and are attracted to.
He’s also my favorite type of client in the sense that he’s going through a rough patch and just wants someone to talk to about what he’s gone through, his fears, and his hopes – I’m good at that. Thats what I like doing best in this job. The more we meet the more he opens up, its a privilege to be able to see this side of people. The side that they usually feel the need to hide.
Sex workers aren’t just about sex, we’re great at being confidantes in every sense of the word – or at least the best of us are.
Getting paid to be around someone like that IS the dream. But its also confusing I’ve heard horror stories my friends have told me of when they caught feelings for a client – I steer clear of it. I’ve come close once, but luckily I learned those lessons from the years of Sugar dating I did.

The Sebastian Rulli Look Alike
Some background my favorite telenovela was Rubi its about a woman who grew up extremely poor, but she was incredibly beautiful…as she got older she became obsessed with becoming rich – by way of making wealthy men fall in love with her. One of those men was Sebastian Rulli’s character
Here’s a picture for clarification:
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Yes- face AND body type look like that. Okay, now that you get the picture.

I first saw this man in the parking lot of the beach and phew….that body and that hair were the first thing I noticed. Then as I got to the beach with my friend I saw him walking as we set up our spot. He made eye contact then set up about 8feet away from us. I sat and felt giggly, which was stupid I’m a hooker when does a man ever make me feel giggly?
He got up and went to swim in the water. My friend and I took a bunch of photos by the ocean then he walked up to us to ask the time then walked away.
I wanted to talk to him but couldn’t think of anything. My friend needed sunscreen so I asked if he had any – he didn’t.
We went back to our respective spots and he started changing out of his wet suit….Oh. My. God. I had to look away but didn’t want to. His hair was wet from the ocean and his body was glistening loooooord. His incredible arms ugh. then his chest. and his abs..god, I wanted to lick those abs. I looked down and looked back up this time his back was to us…and his back was just as great-strong. the top of his butt was showing and yes, his butt was incredible. then he turned to the side as he pulled his suit off completely and plop, there it was…and it was glorious.
I giggled and my friend immediately looked then started giggling too – as if we weren’t being obvious enough before.
We took more photos and he was watching us so I went to ask if he could take one of us. of course he did. We got each other’s names then he asked if we wanted to smoke a bowl with him we didn’t but we invited him to sit with us.

We talked for about an hour. Turns out he and I have very similar cultural backgrounds. We talked about our signs and he immediately told me to stay away from him as I’m a cusp of the two signs he’s most weak for – one he finds incredibly sexy and the other has been the one he falls in love with most. I could tell he found both me and my friend attractive which I didn’t mind, most of my friends are hot after all. I felt I had some upper hand considering he made several comments directed at his history being with women like me. He remained respectful and neutral both her and I appreciated that. We exchanged numbers with him.
And me, being the shameless go getter I am, texted him. My friend decided to wait. We both agreed on a don’t ask don’t tell policy with this guy since we both liked him – unless things got emotional. A couple days later he was in my apartment.

I didn’t expect anything to happen I just wanted to see what the vibe was like. I wanted to wait a little to fuck him anyway. I figured out quickly that the vibe was sexual on both ends. He was a great kisser god damn us mixed lovers – waiting fell off the table. We went to my bedroom and got undressed I could not get over his gorgeous tan body, it was killing me. I’ll spare you all the details and keep that to myself, but lets just say I had a great time.
I finally christened my apartment! I thought it was never going to happen. after we finished we lay gasping, trying to catch our breath. I immediately asked “how would you feel about a threesome with me and one of my girlfriends?” ( RE: N …her and I actually had a threesome after this post, but I’ll share that another time)
He smiled, “I love them-I’ve had a few with my ex who was bisexual” I bit his shoulder ” perfect, maybe we can have a lot of fun together” He grabbed my thigh “I’d love to come and massage you sometime, if you’re up for that”
I had things to do and so did he so we got dressed as we talked about more things we liked.
The entire time he wouldn’t stop saying how beautiful he thought my face was whenever I smiled. And he couldn’t stop talking about how sexy he thought my body was. It was nice. Would’ve been nicer to have more time (round 2 anyone?), but who knows maybe he and I will get a chance to play a few times if fate lets me have a win for once….please fate I just want some steady dick.

The Xanax
This damn magical little pill. It works…too well. I love feeling “normal” i.e not anxious and irritable all the time. I get a lot more done – feel less depressed/anxious/like throwing up. But I am noticing I’m more irritable on the days I don’t take it. Maybe its the stark contrast of going from feeling calm to a jarring overthinking potato that makes me extra irritable. Either way that part isn’t pleasant. I’m still sticking to my 2x a week dose rule, I’m not risking adding physical dependence to a substance to my long list of personal issues. But damn it made my Sunday pull together beautifully.

When you’re part of a marginalized group you get used to the taste of blood

From biting your own tongue so often. From having to sit in those few seconds after a comment or joke is made. Those few seconds that feel like a lifetime as you decide “should  I say something?” and often we bite our tongues. Whether it be because we don’t have the energy, we don’t feel safe, or we’re just too damn busy to educate another person.
I’ve bitten my tongue so many times throughout my life I’m surprised it hasn’t fallen off
(re: Where are you going? Please Stay)

People often jump down my throat when I tell them someone said something offensive about SW and I didn’t correct them. While I’ve never had anyone threaten me because of what I do, it happens. People have been killed, raped, robbed. Every new person I out myself to I have to think about this. Will they react this way? Will they tell one of their friends who may then cause me harm? Its a gamble every time.

In one of my  recent post I left out a part of our conversation that has stuck with me, I’d put my foot in my mouth and said my ex roommate was threatening to blackmail me. He naturally asked with what and I said I didn’t want to tell him so he just said “Oh so like she has videos of you peeing on a bed with hookers?” I laughed and said “my family wouldn’t care about that honestly” his eyes widened “……but theres hookers there!!!”
And there it was – the situation I all too often find myself in. Do I speak up? Do I defend them? Do I make a small remark about the fact that ‘hookers’ are regular people? Any of these options can raise suspicion in the person I’m talking to. Or do I bite my tongue and swallow my words in order to keep myself safe? To keep my energy sacred?
In a few seconds I thought it all over and processed all the potential outcomes.
If I out myself he could freak out, yell, kick me out. If there’s anything I do know about him its that he wouldn’t understand he’s too young, too privileged, too sheltered in many ways. I don’t know how he’d react, but I know it wouldn’t be good.
I could make a small comment and point out the fact that SW are just people, but then he’d potentially wonder why I was invested enough to defend them along with his suspicion of how I make my money- game over.
In this case I bit my tongue, didn’t say anything, keep my relationship with him, got laid. Now I sit with the discomfort of knowing I fucked someone who could never accept part of my identity, part of my life.
As fun as the sex was – he didn’t deserve access to any part of my body.

What Kind of Clients Do You Have?

I feel as though people usually assume creepy/gross men are the ones who hire sex workers (SW) and sure I get some creeps. It’s rare though. Never gross (showers are mandatory you guys). Most of my male clients are just lonely. We all need affection and companionship its truly that basic.
Living in tech central theres an abundance of young men with more money than they know what to do with. They’re overworked, overstressed, in need of companionship..friendship – half of the time these sessions are spent mainly talking and trying to get them to laugh and open up. Not to mention the fact that being young and in this position can have a huge impact on your mental health. As someone whose been a confidant to a plethora of successful men the past 6 years whether they be clients or sugar daddies I can say – it truly is lonely at the top for some.
I get older men who are widowed or in messy marriages- again lonely. I click well with these clients because my services have never been just walk in, get it on, and leave.
I offer something more than that. I connect to their pain and try to create a space where they can talk about it openly and freely if I’m doing my job well I’ll also channel their energy and turn it into happiness if only for a couple hours and thats the way I like it.
On the other end of the spectrum I also get hired by people who just want something fun to do on a business trip. I also get a lot of couples. This always seems to surprise people. Couples are in my top favorites, I’ve been lucky to never have any issues with jealousy as I’ve heard horror stories from friends. They’ve all been mid 20s to 40s and they’ve each been unique and wonderful in their own way. I bask in their connection and affection during our sessions because I can feel how much these people love each other, I find myself feeling lucky to be able to be part of that for an evening.
Most of my work is run on regulars I started in 2015 and about 50% of the clients I see regularly now I met then and a lot are from 2016. I prefer working with people who already know me it also means I’m good at what I do if people come back!
I wish there wasn’t all this stigma surrounding SW and the people who hire SW truth is we’re all just people – just like you and everyone you know.