When you’re part of a marginalized group you get used to the taste of blood

From biting your own tongue so often. From having to sit in those few seconds after a comment or joke is made. Those few seconds that feel like a lifetime as you decide “should  I say something?” and often we bite our tongues. Whether it be because we don’t have the energy, we don’t feel safe, or we’re just too damn busy to educate another person.
I’ve bitten my tongue so many times throughout my life I’m surprised it hasn’t fallen off
(re: Where are you going? Please Stay)

People often jump down my throat when I tell them someone said something offensive about SW and I didn’t correct them. While I’ve never had anyone threaten me because of what I do, it happens. People have been killed, raped, robbed. Every new person I out myself to I have to think about this. Will they react this way? Will they tell one of their friends who may then cause me harm? Its a gamble every time.

In one of my  recent post I left out a part of our conversation that has stuck with me, I’d put my foot in my mouth and said my ex roommate was threatening to blackmail me. He naturally asked with what and I said I didn’t want to tell him so he just said “Oh so like she has videos of you peeing on a bed with hookers?” I laughed and said “my family wouldn’t care about that honestly” his eyes widened “……but theres hookers there!!!”
And there it was – the situation I all too often find myself in. Do I speak up? Do I defend them? Do I make a small remark about the fact that ‘hookers’ are regular people? Any of these options can raise suspicion in the person I’m talking to. Or do I bite my tongue and swallow my words in order to keep myself safe? To keep my energy sacred?
In a few seconds I thought it all over and processed all the potential outcomes.
If I out myself he could freak out, yell, kick me out. If there’s anything I do know about him its that he wouldn’t understand he’s too young, too privileged, too sheltered in many ways. I don’t know how he’d react, but I know it wouldn’t be good.
I could make a small comment and point out the fact that SW are just people, but then he’d potentially wonder why I was invested enough to defend them along with his suspicion of how I make my money- game over.
In this case I bit my tongue, didn’t say anything, keep my relationship with him, got laid. Now I sit with the discomfort of knowing I fucked someone who could never accept part of my identity, part of my life.
As fun as the sex was – he didn’t deserve access to any part of my body.

What Kind of Clients Do You Have?

I feel as though people usually assume creepy/gross men are the ones who hire sex workers (SW) and sure I get some creeps. It’s rare though. Never gross (showers are mandatory you guys). Most of my male clients are just lonely. We all need affection and companionship its truly that basic.
Living in tech central theres an abundance of young men with more money than they know what to do with. They’re overworked, overstressed, in need of companionship..friendship – half of the time these sessions are spent mainly talking and trying to get them to laugh and open up. Not to mention the fact that being young and in this position can have a huge impact on your mental health. As someone whose been a confidant to a plethora of successful men the past 6 years whether they be clients or sugar daddies I can say – it truly is lonely at the top for some.
I get older men who are widowed or in messy marriages- again lonely. I click well with these clients because my services have never been just walk in, get it on, and leave.
I offer something more than that. I connect to their pain and try to create a space where they can talk about it openly and freely if I’m doing my job well I’ll also channel their energy and turn it into happiness if only for a couple hours and thats the way I like it.
On the other end of the spectrum I also get hired by people who just want something fun to do on a business trip. I also get a lot of couples. This always seems to surprise people. Couples are in my top favorites, I’ve been lucky to never have any issues with jealousy as I’ve heard horror stories from friends. They’ve all been mid 20s to 40s and they’ve each been unique and wonderful in their own way. I bask in their connection and affection during our sessions because I can feel how much these people love each other, I find myself feeling lucky to be able to be part of that for an evening.
Most of my work is run on regulars I started in 2015 and about 50% of the clients I see regularly now I met then and a lot are from 2016. I prefer working with people who already know me it also means I’m good at what I do if people come back!
I wish there wasn’t all this stigma surrounding SW and the people who hire SW truth is we’re all just people – just like you and everyone you know.